Bizarre Florida Man Heist: $300 Worth of Walmart Goods Stuffed in Pants
A Bizarre Florida man with a grand fashion plan went sour after he had a serious lack of cargo space in his pants. This modern-day Houdini decided that the best way to up his wardrobe game was to stuff over $300 worth of Walmart goodies into his trousers. And before you ask, no, this wasn’t a new fashion trend. This was fashioned theft.
Our mastermind criminal according to Fox 35, is Justin Goodreau. With the confidence he strolled into a Walmart on Bahia Avenue in Ocala. As he casually bypassed the registers, his pants began to resemble the world’s most uncomfortable slacks. A Walmart loss prevention officer spotted this walking fashion faux pas and confronted, Mr. Goodreau. Apparently thought he was a jackalope and shouts, “You can’t catch me!” and bolted out of the store. Spoiler alert. They did catch him. Turns out, his pants weren’t equipped with a turbo boost.
Bizarre Florida Man:
A deputy who successfully located Mr. Goodreau and his accomplice, a red Kia. The deputy took charge, handcuffing Goodreau and uncovering the car’s secrets. And what did they find, you ask? A pack of cigarettes and a tiny folded paper containing a crystal-like substance. Surprise! The substance tested positive for methamphetamine. Didn’t see that one coming.
However, concealed within the car, our aspiring shoplifter had more loot than a pirate. Among his treasures were a watch, lubricant (please don’t ask), a portable charger, and headphones. (to drown out the sirens, perhaps). The grand total? A whopping $323.59, and that’s before tax.
The ever-patient Walmart loss prevention team received the stolen items back. Furthermore, familiarity with this sort of pant-expanding drama was probably their norm. Regarding Mr. Goodreau, his case clearly demonstrates that crime doesn’t pay. .. And that some pants find a better fit in yoga class than in grand larceny.
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